


In the End, You found Me

by CottonCandyFace



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-13 18:48:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20587304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CottonCandyFace/pseuds/CottonCandyFace
Summary: I recently re-watched Your Lie in April and  T and C have been posting a lot recently and that helped with the inspiration.College AU.In a world where Tobin doesn't play soccer, she is broken and she doesn't think anything will fix it nor does she think she deserve it. When Christen comes crashing into her life flipping her world upside down she is powerless to stop her.





	1. When We Met

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a story I am doing the best I can. I want to apologize now ahead of time for my tenses probably being all over the place.

**Save me, I'm lost**

**Oh lord, I've been waiting for you**

**I'll pay any cost**

**Save me from being confused**

**Show me what I'm looking for**

**Show me what I'm looking for, oh lord**

**Don't let go**

**I've wanted this far too long**

**Mistakes become regrets**

**I've learned to love abuse**

**Please show me what I'm looking for**

XXX

_ High school Championship-- Junior Year _

_ The stadium lights are burning bright illuminating this battlefield, where two teams are going head to head. Blood, sweat, and tears have been shed on this soccer stadium, but it all comes down to this. Tobin is the last one to take her penalty kick, with the score tied at 4-4. She knows she needs to make this just this one shot and victory is theirs.  _

_ She hears the crowd cheering, it brings such great pride to her knowing her family and friends are out there cheering. She feels right at home when she's on a soccer field like this is what she's meant to be doing. Forever. Right now, she brings her focus back to the task at hand. She kisses the soccer ball before she lays it down on the ground making sure it’s set just right for her kick.  _

_ She takes a deep breath feeling that jolt of electricity, now the world around her has stopped moving. It is her, the ball, and the goalkeeper that must be beat.  _

_ Tobin takes a couple steps back keeping her eye on the prize, she is so close she can taste victory.  _

_ The whistle blows  _

XXX

*Ding* 

_ “Please fasten your seatbelt we are about to land at the San Francisco International Airport” _

Tobin is startled from her memories and brought back when she hears the flight attendant speaking over the speaker system. She is starting her first day of college tomorrow at Stanford. The decision of moving from the east coast to the west coast seemed like a no brainer. After everything that had transpired her last two years of high school. She needed to get away from everything that seemed familiar, well almost everything deciding to join her two best friends Alex Morgan and Kelley O’Hara on their pursuit to soccer greatness. 

As she makes her way out of the plane and to baggage claim just going with the motions. Tobin wonders if she made the right decision, nonetheless she is very grateful that Stanford let her accept her academic scholarship a week after the deadline, but she doesn't have enough time to ponder on it as she sees her luggage coming. Once she has her two suitcases and backpack she heads out of the airport. She releases a deep breath she didn't realize she was holding. 

It’s so sunny here on a September afternoon. Laughing at herself, thinking “duh Tobin of course its sunny! it’s freakin’ California.” Tobin takes her snapback that she had on backwards and turns it around needed to block the sun from her eyes. She makes her way over to the taxis.

Once she sitting in the backseat she decides to text her two best friends. Tobin has missed them so much, it’s been a month since she has seen them last. They had to arrive before her for soccer practice and bonding. She was really glad that somehow Alex and Kelley were able to make it so that Tobin could stay with them in the same suite without being a soccer player herself.

***This Ish is Bananas Chat***

Tobin: Hey guys! I am on my way to the suite, I can’t wait to see your faces.

Alex: Finally! I miss your face! I can only handle Kelley so much. I need my Tobin fix. 

Kelley: What the hell Alex? I'm amazing, ill have you know! We can’t wait to see you Toby!

Tobin: Please, don’t call me that. How many times do I need to tell you! I should be there in about half an hour.

Alex: Sweet! See you at the suite! We do have an open practice later in the day but we can hangout till then. 

Kelley: Can’t wait to see you MY best friend ;)

Alex: PLEEAASEE! BIGGEST LIE IN AMERICA! TOBIN I LOVE YOU MORE! 

With a smirk on her face Tobin locks her phone resting her head on the window she looks out at the different scenery New Jersey and California are like polar opposites and she welcomes the change. The fact that winter is non existing in Cali is a plus for her. She looks down at her phone contemplating texting her dad to let him know she made it but he is probably busy on his business trip. He had offered to fly with her and help her set up her room, and do all the things parents are supposed to when they help their kids move into college, but she declined not because she doesn’t love him or because he is a bad father but after her mom died she just can’t look at him in the eyes anymore. She decides to shoot her sister Perry a quick text to let her know that she made it safely knowing she will pass the message along to her father. 

XXX

As she quietly unlocks the door she notices a living room to her left, she sees soccer gear all over place knowing very well her friends can be an organized chaos like her, and to the right is the kitchen full of take out containers and empty pizza boxes. Okay maybe not, they are way more chaotic than she is. 

“Shit, I leave you guys alone for a month and you guys decide to go crazy” Tobin yells across the suite. 

Alex and Kelley come running out of their rooms battling it out in the small hallway to see who will get to her first. Alex tries to sneak out under Kelley’s arm but Kelley grabs her head shoving her backwards so that she is free to run to Tobin. Kelley jumps on her kissing her head. 

“I have missed you so much, how dare you leave me alone with her, that monster” pointing a finger at Alex who is still trying to get herself together after Kelley shoved her.

“How dare she leave you alone with me? No, how dare she leave me alone with you!? You could go to jail for that" The blue eyed girl says 

Alex finally runs towards the girls and they hug for what feels like forever not that she's complaining she has missed them so much. 

“I really missed you both but I really need you guys to let me go so I can get my room in order before tomorrow” 

They both release her with a groan. Tobin makes her way to her room and starts unpacking her things. Tomorrow is a big day for all them and she needs to be sort of prepared. Let's face it she knows she's a lost cause but regardless Tobin will try. 

she notices Alex standing at the doorway smiling at her. 

“What?”

“I am just so freakin’ happy you are here, you know? After everything that happened, I wasn’t sure I would see you at college moving on from it all.” 

Tobin looks down at her suitcase as she continues to unpack her clothing not wanting to make eye contact with her. Alex notices and goes to sit down on her bed with Tobin still refusing to look at her. She puts her hand over hers to get her to stop. Giving in Tobin makes eye contact immediately regretting her decision already with the knowledge of where this is going. 

“I am very proud of you Tobin, you are the bravest person I know, but I also know that after everything that happened with your mom and then quitting soccer, I know it couldn’t have —“

At that exact moment Kelley decides to walk into the room and Tobin has never been more relieved in her life to see the hyper girl. She knows what Alex is trying to do but she came here to Stanford to forget and start new. She doesn’t want to talk to Alex or anyone about it. 

“It’s time for practice, Alex!” Kelley yells at the top of her lungs with her fist in the air proceeding to dance around her room since she’s super pumped, she loves soccer so much. Tobin knows she will never love soccer like that again. Everything used to be so colorful with it, but now that she lost it, all the color faded. She only sees in black and white like a soccer ball, oh the irony. Her days of playing are long over. 

*beep* *beep*

“OH MY GOD! Sonnett just texted me” Kelley says really excited jumping up and down. 

“What is that like the third girl you got your eye on?”

Tobin looks at them both smirking some things just never change, especially with these two and their banter. 

“Okay, well since you aren't ready I am leaving you behind I can't keep the girl waiting”

Alex just shrugs not really caring that a super excited Kelley is leaving. She needs to finish this conversation that she started.

Alex looks over at her pondering if she should say what she is thinking. She decides to just go for it and rip the bandaid. 

“I know it’s been two years since you decided to give up on soccer but somehow it still feels like your holding on it anyway you can. You are here with us right now knowing we are here to play the sport you no longer love. Don’t get me wrong I love having you here but I don’t want you to start hurting again.”

Tobin get emotional but does everything possible to not show it on her face. She knows she clings on to it, but how can she not? All she had ever known is a soccer life. Her mother started coaching her since she was very little, raising her to be a world class soccer player but right when she was the brink of making it big, being one of the youngest players on the senior national team her mother died. As soon as the thoughts come flooding in to her she pushes them right out. 

“I am here at Stanford to meet new people and try new things. Can we….can we please talk about something else? For starters, tell me about Kelley and this new girl Sonnett, are they dating?”

Alex not wanting to push her luck anymore at least not today tells her “I wouldn’t say they are dating but there is a little something going on there. Every time she talks about her she gets this sparkle in her eye. Ashlyn told me that when you fall for someone you get that sparkle and everything starts to make sense. The world is bright and new and full of amazing colors.”

“I don’t think I would ever give someone that type of passion” Tobin says honestly. 

“Stop that!” Alex yells, “You are 18 years old, you have so much life to live. Your eyes will sparkle one day.”

“I don’t know my eyes are dark, I don’t think they would give out that affect even I wanted them too.” says Tobin putting her hands in her pockets showing how this is a conversation she doesn’t want to have either. Love is such a foregin concept to her. 

“Don’t be a smart ass with me! This is college the time of our lives starts here! No worries I know you will get there at your own pace. Well I gotta run Toby, ill see you when we get back” Alex gets up and walks out the door, stopping and looking at Tobin “Unless you would like to come watch?” 

“No, Thank you.” Is all Tobin manages to say without even looking at her blue eyed friend. 

“No worries” is the last thing Alex says before she leaves her to her thoughts. 

XXX

As soon as Alex leaves Tobin decides to take a walk around campus, since a claustrophobic feeling is creeping in the room after that conversation with Alex. Not having a set plan just deciding to explore and go where her feet take her. She walks past the main quad and headed to the Stanford Oval looking at the palm trees something she definitely doesn’t have in Jersey. Tobin just takes everything in so happy that she made it to the university of her dreams. 

She passes Bing Concert Hall amazed at the architecture of the building. It kind of reminds of the Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranger headquarters.The thought alone makes her smile thinking of the times Kelley, Alex and her would play characters of the made up TV series. She always wanted to be the green ranger, She knows he is evil but his costume was the coolest to her back in the day and you can’t forget that megazord. 

As Tobin makes way over to the park area she notices a girl no older than her practicing her PK’s. Even when she’s not looking for it soccer follows her. She has a goal line made up two trees that aren’t exactly across from each other. The girl has beautiful curly black hair and cinnamon kissed skin, she’s laughing having the best time in the world. Tobin can’t help but wonder what she is laughing at since the girl is by herself suddenly the curly haired girl notices her. Tobin doesnt know what to do she has just been standing there like a fucking creep. 

“Are you watching me?”

Tobin blinks, that’s all she can manage to do.

“Hello” the girl says waving her hand “Are you feeling okay?”

Tobin finally composes herself but not enough before she blurts out “So...Sorry, I didn’t mean to watch you like creep.”

Shit. 

If she could slap herself in the face right now she would. 

The girl gives her an amused look. “Well don’t just stand there come over here and play.”

“No, I can’t I am not very good.”

“That doesn’t matter we are just playing for fun” the curly haired girl smiles at her as she decides to walk closer to Tobin. 

As she approaches she plants herself right in front of Tobin. She notices her deep green eyes and she can’t describe what it feels like to look into them but its as if the girl can stare right into her very soul. The girl is about to speak when suddenly… 

“Yo Christen, there you are! We have been looking everywhere for you. Open practice is about to start soon. We need to show this place what our team can do!”

Tobin knows that voice anywhere, she turns around and none other than Kelley followed close behind by Alex. “Well, well, our very own Toby found Christen for us” Kelley says to Alex. 

“Please don’t call me that, it’s the worst nickname ever”

Alex finally decides to speak up “I guess, I'll be the one to introduce you since O’Hara over here is lacking in manners among other things”

“HEY, what the hell? I lack in nothing just ask the ladies” 

Ignoring her Alex puts her arm around Tobin’s shoulder “Tobin Heath, I would like you to meet Christen Press. She is the best forward on our team apart from me”

Tobin shakes her hand, when their skin touches she feels a jolt of electricity that she hasn’t felt in a very long time. She soon realizes she has been shaking her hand longer than is normal for good manners, dropping her hand before it gets weird.

“Sorry for the short introduction Tobs, but we gotta go otherwise Coach is going to make us run to hell and back.” Alex says as she starts walking away with Kelley. 

“Why don’t you come with us, Tobin?”

Tobin can’t help but stare into Christen’s beautiful green eyes, they make her feel calm, yet scared at the same time. She feels like she’s staring into map leading her to something she has been searching for her whole life. 

Suddenty, Christen approaches her taking her hand in hers and pulling her along to the  stadium. 

“C’mon, trust me, you don’t want to miss this” Christen says smiling so wide. 

  
  


And just like the leaves blowing in the fall wind, I can feel myself taking off with you. 

  
  



	2. Lost with You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I worked really hard on it. Sorry in advance for any grammatical errors. 
> 
> Song: Lost Stars by Adam Levine

**And, God, tell us the reason**

**Youth is wasted on the young**

**It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run**

**Searching for meaning**

**But are we all lost stars**

**Trying to light up the dark?**

**Who are we?**

**Just a speck of dust within the galaxy**

XXX

“YESSS! We just made it, barely but we still made it” Kelley yells running in with her arms stretched out like an airplane.

“Tobin will you be okay?” Alex gives her a concerned look. 

Tobin looks everywhere but at Alex.“Uh, yeah. Don’t worry about me.” trying to sound as convincing as possible. 

“Well I hope we can hear you cheering for us.” Christen says smiling so wide as she waves goodbye to Tobin. 

Tobin gives her the best smile she can muster and hopes it’s convincing. As she watches them leave all these thoughts she hasn’t had in a long time come rushing to her head. Panic is starting to build up inside her. It feels like a volcano is about to erupt inside her. She slams her eyes shut attempting to get rid of the bad thoughts. Taking deep breaths. 

_ “My little Tobin, we play soccer to have fun.” _

Suddenly, she feels this sense of calm wash over her. Hearing her mother’s voice so vividly in her head. It gives her enough courage to continue through the tunnel and onto the stadium. As soon as she steps out into the bleachers she can feel the dryness of the air, the smell of fresh cut grass is overwhelming. Somehow she composes herself enough to make her way over to the middle section and find a perfect view of the field. She can see her friends stretching well more like goofing off which is really entertaining. She realizes that both of her best friends stayed with their high school numbers. Alex is #13 while Kelly is #5 and the girl she just met holds #23. 

“Please take your seats, the practice game is about to begin” Tobin hears over the loudspeaker.

The whistle blows and the girls start running on the field passing the ball between each other and taking shots. Even though it’s been two years since she last stepped into a soccer field she can not help but feel goosebumps. The stadium is pretty packed that brings such great joy to Tobin knowing her friends are getting the attention they deserve. 

She sees number 8 a blonde girl running really fast with the ball but Tobin notices right away Kelley has her eye on her, but #8 doesn't seem to realize that her friend is about to tackle her. She goes down and Kelley has the biggest grin on her face. Typical. The brown haired girl takes possession of the ball, she makes a long pass down the field to none other than Christen. She sees the curly haired girl fake left but go right and pass it right to Alex who takes a shot and scores! The stadium goes wild and all Tobin can do is stare in amazement. The chemistry between the three is unstoppable. 

The players are back in their starting positions getting ready for the whistle. Tobin can't take her eyes of Christen and suddenly she can feel her staring back at her smiling and she can't help but smile back What she doesn't notice is that Alex is watching this exchange very carefully. The whistle blows and the ladies are back at it again. Tobin keeps her eyes on Christen it’s like she’s hypnotize and looking away is not an option. She notices #4 a defender take possession of the ball and passes it right to the dark curly haired girl who is in the middle of the field. As Christen starts to take the ball down the second half, she senses a defender coming straight for her but #23 goes straight at her not backing down, and does the McGeady’s spin. Tobin's eyes go wide “who is this girl?” she whispers to herself. Christen faked the midfielder but a defender is quickly approaching but apparently that's not a problem. #23 just nutmegs her flawlessly and goes to shoot. Tobin can almost feel her heart beating out of her chest as she sees the ball go in. The crowd goes wild once again and all Tobin can do is continue to stare in awe. This girl is in a league of her own, in this moment soccer belongs to her. 

This girl, she’s beautiful. 

  
  


XXX

Tobin is waiting outside the Stadium for her friends. She contemplated leaving and meeting them at the suite but Alex would never let her hear the end of it. Her focus turns to this family having a loud conversation about how #23 is going to make a real impact on the team. She wonders to a nearby tree to stand under the shade her thoughts drift to the raven haired girl. Tobin wonders if she will get to start on the team or come in as a sub but after the performance she just gave there is no way she isn't a starter. Tobin hopes that all three of them get to start after all their connection on the field seemed second to none. 

Before she can let her thoughts drift any further she sees her friends approaching along with Christen, but before she is able to say anything two little girls stop the curly haired girl. 

“Excuse me miss, sorry to bother you. um...we are wondering if you could..um.. sign our soccer ball?”

“It's no bother at all. I would love to” Christen goes down on one knee to be on the same eye level as the little girls talking to them about soccer as she signs the ball. 

As the little girls are leaving a man approaches her friends by the looks of his track suit she can only assume that he is on the coaching staff. 

“We will be posting the results tomorrow letting you know who will be our main starters” 

“Thanks” the players say in unison. As they are reaching her she hears Christen say “Start or sub it doesn't matter to me as long as I get to play.” 

How can she not care? Tobin thinks to herself. 

_ “My little Tobin there’s no need to cry, winning is not important. Playing your heart out is what matters.” _

She is startled from the memory when her friends reach her. Alex is the first to say “Hey friend” but the curly haired girl is quick to follow “Sooo Tobin, what did you think of the practice game?”

“Uh...what do you mean?”

“Well I think I did a pretty good job” Kelley can't help but chime in. 

“It was you know” Tobin is not really sure what to say getting very nervous. 

“Yeah, go on” says a defeated Christen 

“Honestly I thought -” Tobin stops mid sentence noticing the curly haired girl’s hand that isn’t holding her bag is shaking. 

“I never seen fans go crazy over a player they just met, and the way those little girls came up to you. They don’t even know you, do they? As soon as practice was over they probably ran out and bought the first soccer ball they could find just so you could sign it. So yeah I think you did pretty good today.” Tobin says smiling. 

“See? I was right when I said you didn't want to miss this” Christen beams with pride. 

“Hey Christen, we are heading out. Are you ready?” A blonde girl calls out. Tobin thinks she recognizes her as #8. 

“I’ll be right there Julie” Christen responds “I guess ill be seeing you guys around” she says as she’s walking backwards still looking at Tobin. 

XXX

Back at the suite after eating their weight in spaghetti they decided to have a Mario Kart tournament. They wanted to keep the tradition alive, it started on the eve of the first day of 2nd grade having somehow convinced their parents that they could handle a sleepover the night before the first day of school. The friends thought they would need to give up the tradition after high school but luckily they made it to the same university and somethings just can't be changed

“Wooooooohhhh!!! I win bitches! Please bow to your queen!” Kelley yells at the top of her lungs as she starts jumping on the couch not being able to contain herself. 

“Please, you just got lucky! If you hadn’t gotten that blue shell. You would all be bowing to queen Alex”

“Don’t kid yourself Kelley. The only reason you won is because we decided this round was winner takes all.” Tobin smiles so wide she missed her friends so much this last month. Sure she has other friends but its not the same because to her Alex and Kelley are family. They have always been there for her even when they didnt know what to say or how to fix it. She couldn't imagine a life without either of them. Alex is so caring and protective always making sure that Tobin is okay while Kelley gets her out of her comfort zone making her try new things and she always has her laughing at her jokes. 

Kelley releases a loud yawn “Well I am going to bed. This queen b needs her beauty sleep. I gotta kick ass tomorrow since I already beat everyone in this place.” As Kelley is walking to her bedroom Alex throws the controller at her but she dodges it “Ha! You miss-” before she can finish that sentence Tobin throws her controller right at her chest “Ouch! Toby I thought we had something special.” She glares at her for using that horrible nickname Kelley pouts at her.

Tobin and Alex chose to do the dishes and instead of going to bed. Weird to say the least but now that they are college students, they have to keep their place sorta clean no one is going to do it for them. 

Alex clears her throat breaking the peaceful silence. “Um so …did you enjoy watching us play? I really hope you did.” Tobin finishes drying the last plate before she looks at her “Yeah it was good. Both of you have really great chemistry with Christen.”

“She’s a really good player. I…..I hope I get a starting spot but she’s so damn good.” The brunette looks away drying her hands with a towel. “Hey” Tobin puts a hand on the brunettes arm “Please don't sell yourself short. You are an amazing forward. I played with you remember? I know what you're about. You are a boss Alex Morgan.” The blue eyed girl can't help but smile at her friend. “Thanks you always give the best pep talks.” Alex hugs Tobin for a moment letting her words sink in. 

When she finally releases her she asks in a teasing manner “What did you think of Press? When we found you two at the park you guys seemed like you were getting very close. Naughty naughty Tobin.” 

“Whatever you think you saw is wrong so please cut it out.” Tobin’s so annoyed she starts making her way to her room. Alex follows her “I am only kidding. Shit Toby take a joke.” She sticks her tongue out at her making a funny faces Tobin just gives her a death glare for thinking such things and for calling her _that_. 

“Even if you did like her, Christen seems like she’s all about soccer no time for anything else. If anything she would only want to be friends with you.” 

Tobin gives her a puzzled look. Why would Alex say any of this to her, she is not looking for anything from Christen. “Give it a rest, she’s not my type. I’m gonna go to bed, we have a long day tomorrow.”

As Tobin lays in bed with her hands behind her head. She can’t help but think of the beautiful girl with the green eyes. At the same time she can’t shake Alex’s words out of her brain. “Tobin snap out of it” she mumbles to herself. But even so as she drifts off to sleep all she can think about is green.

XXX

After a full day of classes Tobin finds herself in the library attempting to get started on some of her assignments but failing miserably. She is attempting to write her paper for Psychology class but after one hour of staring at the same two paragraphs she decides to call it a day. As she’s packing up her things resigning to the fact that nothing else is going to get done today when Kelley sits down on table.

“Sup Heath. Since when are you the studious type?”

She rolls her eyes at her okay true she’s never been super into school but that doesnt mean shes a bad student. 

“I came here to get away from you and to start my paper. Some of us are actually here to learn.” she finishes putting her laptop in her backpack. Kelley looks at her thoughtfully as if she is contemplating what to say next. “Yeah, I know you gotta keep your grades up. So a...listen coach let us know who is going to start and.” Kelley pauses looking rather nervous which in return makes Tobin super nervous. “I made the cut but Alex didn't make the main starters roster. I mean things could change with injuries and performances but I don't think she will see it that way.” She gives the freckled girl a high five. “I am really happy you get to start on the dream team! As far as Alex goes we have to help her understand this is a bump on the road not an ending.” Heath swallows hard before asking nervously “How did Christen do?” Kelley has the biggest grin on her face “Oh she made it alright. Her and I are the only freshmen that made the cut as far as starters go.” 

Tobin senses that Kelley wants to get something else off her chest. “Can I ask you something? Ever since this morning you have been acting strange and for you that saying something.” Suddenly the hyper girl gets off table and sits on the chair right next to her. She motions her hand for Tobin to come closer, She reluctantly moves closer. Kelley whispers in her ear “I bet you are thinking about a pretty girl, tell me I’m right.” the freckled girl moves her chair backwards making kissy faces at her. 

“Huh. I'm in a library. What could possibly give you that idea?” 

“Dude! you’re a college kid. What else is worth thinking about?” Kelley smacks her knee and moves her eyebrows suggestively. “Was it fair lady Christen Press? No worries I get it. I almost did a double take myself the first time I saw her in practice.”

“It's not like that okay!” Tobin whisper yells since she realizes they are in the library. “Besides what's the point?” The memory of Alex telling her Christen would only want friendship from her comes running to her mind. Tobin continues “I’d never have a chance with a girl like her.”

“That's got nothing to with it.” Kelley tells her matter of factly. “Beautiful ladies have crushes just like the rest of us. Besides because you find her beautiful you will have no choice but to fall for her even if you think you have no chance.” 

“Fuck O’Hara. Hearing you talk like that I think I get why girls throw themselves at you.”

Kelley laughs “Yeah and I throw myself right back.”

“I could never be that type of girl. Not a chance.” Tobin says sincerely. 

“Maybe there isn’t but I think that's up to the girl to decide.”

“You give really good advice, you know that?” Tobin smiles at her. “Oh I try believe me” Kelley smiles right back. As they get up to leave Alex comes out of nowhere. 

“Ttttthhhhhhhaaaaaaaannnnkkkk goodness I finally found you two! I am starving! Let's go to the cafeteria NNOOOOWWW. C’mon ladies move it or lose it.” Hungry Alex clearly doesn't care that they are in a library not bothering to keep her voice low. Kelleys stomach growls “Yes, let’s go. This girl takes nutrition very seriously.” They all laugh wholeheartedly. “You guys go ahead I am not very hungry, i'll just have a bowl of cereal later or something.” Her friends give her a worried look. Tobin notices “Guys I promise I'll be fine just go. Please don't worry.” She can see Alex debating on whether or not to drag her to the cafeteria. “Fine, but you better eat that bowl of cereal or i'll be shoving it down your throat.” of course she threatens her. “Deal” Heath waves goodbye to her friends as she walks out the doors of the library.

XXX

She cant believe Kelley saw right through her. Good thing she decided to go home, no one needs Alex prying too. Tobin thinks to herself besides it will get dark soon and she really needs to get to bed at a decent hour tonight.

She continues to walk looking up at the sky, admiring the pretty orange and pink of the sunset but her mind starts to remember. She remembers the practice game she saw yesterday how the girls would pass the ball so effortlessly, the way the player’s kicked the ball in the back of the net, the celebrations. Tobin has replayed the practice from start to finish over and over. What she remembers most are the things her mother taught her. 

She wants to see Christen play again but at the same time she doesn’t. When the raven haired girl appears it’s what she wants but also dreads. Tobin can't shake this feeling inside her chest. What do they call it? She thinks maybe it was forgotten but most likely she never really knew. 

Suddenly none other than the Christen Press is approaching her. Fuck. All Tobin can do is stare with wide eyes as she is paralyzed.

“I was wondering when I would be seeing you again Tobin Heath.” Christen beams at her. 

She stares at her she notices how her hair is straight no longer curly like yesterday. The girl is wearing a white crop top and some black leggings paired with white nikes. She looks up at her face once again and getting lost in those green eyes. 

All of a sudden Heath realizes she still hasn't said anything to the girl in front of her. 

“Hello” rushes out her mouth rather loudly. Christen stares at her entertained from the outburst. 

“What is Tobin up to on this fine evening?”

“Nothing crazy I just got done at the library and n….and now I am headed ho...home.” To say Tobin is nervous talking to this girl is an understatement. 

“Well in that case you can walk me home." Not waiting for Tobin to deny her. "I don’t know if Alex or Kelley told you but I live in the building next to yours.” 

“Uh nope. I don’t think they have ment….mentioned it.” She puts her hands in her pockets attempting to act chill. 

The girls continue to walk in comfortable silence when Tobin looks over at Christen and sees she is trembling. 

“Here” Tobin takes off her black hoodie and hands it to her. Christen refuses “Tobin there is no need besides it won’t be long before we are at my building.”

“I insist, please take it. I don’t want you to catch a cold. Besides Stanford needs their star freshman on the field.” The raven girl hesitates but ends up taking the hoodie. Once she has it on Tobin gets this warm fuzzy feeling inside her chest as she stares at Chirsten with her hoodie on. 

“Won’t you be cold? I don't want you to get sick either.” Christen gives her a concerned look. “Wait how did you know I made it? Honestly all that matters is that I get to play. 90 minutes or 10 I will enjoy it regardless. Oh I know it was Kelley wasn’t it?” the dark haired girl laughs lightly bumping her shoulder. Tobin thinks she has never heard a more precious sound. 

She smiles “Definitely Kelley and don't worry about me. I’m from New Jersey it can get really cold there so this is nothing.”

“Wow, New Jersey? Now that must of been trip. I’ve lived in California my whole life. What made you decide to move across the country?” 

Tobin tenses up at that question she wishes she could say it was her dream to play soccer here but her mother died and all soccer does now is bring pain how she made it through the practice game is a mystery that hasn't been solved. She hasn't been able to touch a soccer ball since but she didn't want to disappoint her mother so even though she doesn't play for Stanford earning her degree here seemed like the next best thing. Instead she decides to play it off. “Oh you know academics that sorta thing.” Christen raises her eyebrow at her but smiles and lets it go.“Academics.Okay.” 

Breaking the tension the dark haired girl yells “Holy crap did you see that?!”

“See what?” Tobin stares at the sky where Christen is looking at but she can’t see much past the tall trees. “There was a shooting star just now! C’mon we gotta get to a clear spot maybe we can see more.” The player takes her hand pulling her right along and she has no choice but to take off running with her to find a spot to see the stars. Once they find a spot with no trees she lets go of her hand and Heath misses the warmth her hand provided. 

“I wonder if it will happen again” 

“Wow, the sky here is beautiful.” Tobin moves in a circle staring up at the sky in astonishment. 

“Yea very” Christen says looking directly at Tobin. 

“The galaxy is just so massive and we are tiny compared to what’s out there.” Still staring at the sky in disbelief. 

They stare at the stars for a while pointing out the constellation that they know. 

Suddenly “Tag your it!” Christen touches her arm quickly and starts running away. 

A very confused Tobin doesn't know what is happening but decides to run after her. 

“Gotcha” Tobin puts her hands on her waist. The raven haired girl is relieved that it's dark out to hide her flushed face. Heath quickly realizes where her hands are and moves them to her pockets. 

“Wow, you are fast but I bet I can be faster!” Christen challenges. You don’t have to tell Tobin twice before she takes off running. 

After a nice game of tag that had a lot of laughing and joking with each other. They finally make it to the outside of the dark haired girl’s building. Once they are in front of the door they stand there awkwardly looking at each other not knowing what to do. Christen gives in and pulls her in for a hug. Tobin’s taken by surprised but she welcomes it hugging her back. As Christen pulls away she takes Tobin’s hands in hers and says “thank you so much for walking me home Toby.” 

“No problem. I had a lot of fun.” Tobin smiles at her not wanting this moment to end. 

Christen smiles so wide and releases her hands and heads inside her building once inside she looks back to wave goodbye. 

As Tobin is walking to her building she can't wipe this doopy smile on her face. It’s like she can still feel Christen’s embrace on her body its a feeling she can’t describe but thinks, no she knows she wants to feel again. 

Wait, Did she just call me Toby and I didnt even care? Wait! She also kept my favorite black hoodie. Tobin is shocked by the sudden realizations. 

“What does this all mean?” Tobin says to the night sky. 


	3. This Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write. I apologize in advance for all grammatical error. 
> 
> song: Strange by Tokio Hotel & Kerli

**A freak of nature**

**Stuck in reality**

**I don't fit the picture**

**I'm not what you want me to be**

**Sorry**

**Under the radar**

**Out of the system**

**Caught in the spotlight**

**That's my existence**

**You want me to change but all I feel is**

**Strange**

**Strange**

**In your perfect world so**

**Strange**

**Strange**

**I feel so absurd in this life**

XXX

As soon as Tobin closes the door to the suite she heads to the kitchen putting her backpack down on the chair and heads to the fridge to get milk for some cereal. She sure doesn't want to get more threats. 

As she makes her way to the living room with her cereal bowl in hand she sees Kelley laying on the couch watching scooby doo. Classic. Tobin makes her way to the recliner not wanting to make Kelley move because no one and she means no one needs her throwing a fit. 

“Wow, you finally made it. I thought we were going to need to send out a search party for you.” Kelley gives her this weird look Tobin can’t exactly pinpoint what’s it’s about so she stares back at her as she eats her cereal in some twisted way they are in a staring competition and she isn't backing down. Kelley breaks first “So what took you so long to get here? Heath please don’t tell me you got lost.” 

“No, of course I didn’t” Well at least not in that sense she thinks. “I just took a detour to see more of campus.” By the look Kelley gives her she knows she’s not coming across as believable. “In this detour” she puts her fingers up for quotations “did you happen to lose your hoodie?” 

Tobin’s eyes widen motherfucking Kelley. Can anything get past her friend? Sheesh. “Goodnight Kelley” Whatever happened between her and Christen just now is personal and it's too soon to share with anyone. She wants to keep it hers for a little bit longer so the best thing to do is head to bed. 

As she finishes brushing her teeth she notices Alex’s door slightly opened with the light on and some music coming from it. Tobin gently knocks unsure if she is asleep or not. 

She hears a faint “come in” as she walks in she shuts the door quietly as soon as she sees her friend she can tell that she had been crying. Alex is curled up like a burrito on her bed. Tobin is starting to feel bad wishing that she would have stayed and had supper with them maybe that would have helped put Alex in a better mood. Tobin moves slowly to the desk chair she knows that her blue eyed friend said she could come in but by the way she looks she still isn't convinced.

“Did you eat?” 

“Yeah, I had cereal. You know a deal is a deal” Tobin smiles attempting to lighten up the mood. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tobin ask very cautiously. “Why? It wouldn’t change anything anyway” silent tears fall from Alex’s face. It breaks Tobin’s heart to see her like this she can’t stand it when the people she cares about are in pain. “Well we don't know that now do we?” Tobin is trying to be as encouraging as possible. “It didn’t it work for you.” it’s a whisper nonetheless she hears it, she wishes she hadn’t because Alex is trying to start something. 

“It’s not the same and you know it” Tobin said through gritted teeth. “Tobin, I am not crying because I didn't make the starters, I can change that. I’m upset because no matter how good I get or how far I go in the end you won't be there and that's something I can't change.” Alex lets out a sob before continuing “the dream was that it was supposed to be all three of us and now….. well now it just isn’t.” All Tobin can do is clench her fist her knuckles attempting to control her anger not wanting to have this discussion. Alex was starting to let it go but ever since they started college something has been setting her off. 

“Alex c’mon, just because I am not on the field doesn’t mean I won’t be there” 

“No you c’mon, the only reason you were even at the practice game was because Christen a girl you just met dragged you along. She made more progress in ten minutes than I could in two years.” Alex sits up on her bed and looks her straight in the eyes. “I am happy she got you there I just….I wish I could have that kind of impact on your life.” 

Tobin gets up and heads to the door, unwilling to continue to have this argument where one of them will lose and it won't be her. She opens the door but she stops and stares at Alex “You and your friendship mean more to me than you will ever know. My mom died and soccer became a source of pain and I hope to god you never have to feel something like that. I wish you would just enjoy it for the both of us.” with that she walks out as Tobin is headed to her room she sees Kelley standing in the bathroom doorway she can tell by her sad face that she heard most if not all of it but she’s too tired to argue with someone else. She shakes her head and heads to her room slamming the door. 

XXX

She finds herself in the cafeteria alone with her thoughts eating her breakfast. Alex is working on some group project due later that day and who knows where Kelley is. It's been a week since her argument with Alex and their friendship seems to be doing better. She longs to understand why her blue eyed friend has such a hard time letting go of Tobin Heath the soccer player. After all she was there when it all went down she witnessed her breakdown. Why continue a career when the person she wanted to share it most with is gone?

Unexpectedly, the girl with the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen is putting her tray down and is sitting at her table. “Are you having breakfast or eating dessert?” Tobin teases as she sees waffles on her plate with whipped cream and all sorts of berries. “I'll have you know that dessert can be breakfast, at least in the Press household.” They both laugh and as Tobin sees Christen taking her first bite she looks like shes in sugarush heaven. Tobin puts both her elbows on the table and her hands on her face and stares at Christen enjoying her meal. Its so weird to think that on the soccer field she’s a force of nature but here she could be any girl at all. 

As they are finishing their breakfast Christen asks nervously “So how long do you have before class?” Tobin looks at her curiously “Um about an hour and a half. Why?” Christen bites her lip “I want to spend more time with you so I am wondering if you would be willing to help me practice my corner kicks?” Tobin looks down unable to hold her gaze she looks so hopeful and she can't look at her while shutting her down “I cant” is all that comes out. “So you are really done with soccer?” Tobin looks up and sees concerned green orbs. “So you know?” it comes out angrier than she intended it to. Christen gets up from her seat and moves to a chair right next to Tobin and they turn to face each other. The raven haired hair looks right into her eyes and says “What I know is that you were one of the most promising soccer players on the verge of getting your senior national team call up at 16, one of the youngest to do it. Kids on my high school team used to call you ‘The Playmaker.’ I mean how many kids get to play in U23 World Cup when they are only 14 years old?”

Tobin turns her gaze away “I see you’ve done your homework”

Christen brings her hand to her face moving her head so that they are facing each other again. “Tobin, I’m not dumb. I don’t think there is a soccer player in the United States that doesnt know who you are. After all you are kinda what we aspire to. But then you were gone. Can I ask why you quit?” Tobin closes her eyes as Christen is gently stroking her face and she’s never felt more calm talking about the why of it all. 

She opens her eyes “My mother died and soccer died along with her.” Tobin pauses attempting to control her emotions “I didn’t know it at first. It took a little bit for it to sink in but my playing kept getting worse every time I touched the ball.” Tobin stops, she doesn't know what comes over her but she takes Christen’s hand in hers. She intertwines their fingers and brings their hands down to her lap. Tobin continues “It’s like I am fine at first I can play like the old me but then something inside of me snaps. My passes and kicks no longer go where I want them too no matter how hard I concentrate. In every other aspect of my life my feet work perfectly but when my feet meet the soccer ball I forget. It’s my curse. But my mom… Well our dream was for me to play here at Stanford but that's no longer an option so figured earning my degree here will suffice.” a single tear falls from Tobins face and Christen wipes it away with the hand that isn't holding hers. 

The dark haired girl breaks the silence “Maybe you don’t want to hear this but Tobin, you have to keep playing. Whether you’re sad, hurt, angry or even empty you have to keep playing. For people like us a life without soccer is death.”

_ People like us  _ keeps ringing in Tobins head. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s true for you at least.” she tries to smile.

And just like that she remembers Kelley saying because you find her beautiful you will have no choice but to fall for her. Tobin realizes that the more time she is with her, all that stuff that Kelley told her starts to make sense. She keeps thinking…

You’re in love with soccer

You’re in love with the simple things like playing tag

You’re in love with dessert for breakfast

Life is a series of moments and you seem to love them all. Is that why you sparkle the way you do?

This feeling I have I think it's what people would call yearning.

Tobin is broken from her trance as a smiling Christen says “Okay it's settled I am picking you to join my team for a friendly pick up game at the park in 4 days.” 

“Huh, what?! Did you just hear everything I said?” Tobin so shocked she might forget to breathe. “I can’t play alright? I can’t control the ball anymore.”

“I heard you just fine but this isn't your call. It’s meant to be Toby and that’s that.”

This girl shines brighter than anything Tobin has ever known. Out of the blue “Hey Chris, I locked myself out of the suite. Please pretty please tell me you have your keys?” Julie says with her hands together in prayer form. “Yeah I have mine” Christen says not looking away from Tobin’s eyes. 

“I gotta go but don’t forget pick up game in four days.” She leans in and gives Tobin a kiss on the cheek before getting up but before their hands part Tobin bring her in for a quick hug. As Christen gets up to leave she winks at her and heads for the doors.

XXX

“Wait a second you actually convinced Tobin to join the pick up game?” Alex whispers in disbelief really loudly to Christen as they are sitting in the back of the lecture hall in economics class. Christen motions for Alex to keep her voice down. “Well, I kind of didn't give her a chance to reject me.I want to help her just like you do. Besides, we all know she is an amazing soccer player. I have to help her to snap out of it.” Alex looks at her annoyed “I’ve been trying to help her for years. She’s very stubborn. I don't know if this such a good idea. Good luck to you Chris because any time I bring it up we get in a fight” She hesitates for a second really pondering about what she's going to say “The thing with Tobin is that I would be fine if she never played soccer but I want it to be on her terms, seeing her like this it breaks my heart. Shes half alive, the day her mother died something inside her just stopped, she acts like shes frozen in time thats why I want her to play because maybe it will change something in her.” 

“She has suffered so much” Christen shakes her head “She is suffering so much and I know that if I am able to help her find the love in soccer then she will find the will to live again.” 

She nervously clicks her pen a couple times. She knows she has to try to help Tobin in any way she can. Tobin needs to play soccer because it’s their first love. It will always be whether the brown eyed girl admits it or not, but she hopes that she will be her second just like Tobin is starting to become hers. “Do you think she will hate me for making her try? You’re one of her best friends she couldn't hate you but me on the other hand.” Alex rolls her eyes this girl is hopeless she thinks. “Chris, chill. She won't hate you I promise. Besides, you basically forced her to watch the practice game and she's still talking to you. I think you are becoming important to her.” The raven haired girl thinks her heart just stopped she puts a hand to her chest feeling her rapid heart beat okay not dead but close. “You really think I am important to her? I want to be someone in her life more than a friend if she will let me.” Alex can’t help but feel a bit of anger at that confession but she can’t exactly figure out why. Alex avoids looking at Christen “Uh yeah I think so.” 

“Ladies eyes down here” the professor gives them a serious look. “Sorry” the players mouth in unison. 

XXX

“Tobin, I swear if you aren’t ready for the party in 10 minutes. I will throw you out the window myself. I can’t have beautiful Sonnett waiting for me.” Kelley yells as she knocks on her door so loudly. 

“I will be ready in 5 minutes for fuck sakes chill Kells. If anything go bother Alex because she takes way longer than me!” Tobin yells back the audacity of her friend is unbelievable. Dressing up for her first college party was a challenge she doesn't care about her appearance but after learning that a certain raven haired girl was going to be there, she needs to dress to impress. Tobin decides on a simple white shirt with some dark blue jeans that are ripped at the knees a pair of white jordans. She was thinking about doing something with her hair but that will take too long and she doesn't doubt that O’Hara will throw her out the window if she takes to long so she just lets it down and decides on a navy snapback. As she makes her way to the living room seeing Kelley pacing back and forth. “Well well look at what we have here A dressed up Heath or do my eyes deceive me?” Tobin gives her a ‘shut the fuck up look I dont mess with your thing with Sonnett’ Kelley nods in understanding. “I am ready lets go ladies!” Alex exclaims and with that they are out the door. 

As soon as they arrive at some frat house she loses her friends in the crowd. Not surprised. She makes her way to the beer not usually being a big drinker at all but its her first college party so what the hell right? Once she gets to the kitchen she sees none other than Lindsey Horan she knows she's a midfielder on the soccer team but to her she is her math buddy. “Horan whats up” Tobin says as she shakes Lindsey’s hand. “Nothing crazy yet” the midfielder laughs “just getting another drink. I've been meaning to ask you is it true you are joining the pick up game?” Tobin freezes she never actually agreed to it “um what? Who told you that?” Lindsay gives her perplexed look “Christen told me the other day.” Of course Christen wouldn't take no as an answer. “I'm not sure but I wouldn't count on it.” Lindsey hands her a beer “that's too bad.I was really looking forward to playing with a prodigy.” Tobin laughs “Trust me buddy I am no prodigy. I'll see ya around.”

Heath makes her way over the living room where the dance floor is at. She leans up against the wall sipping her beer not being much a dancer. When the front door opens and she sees the raven haired girl that she hasn't been able to get out of head in days. The girl has her hair curly with a beautiful tight black dress that ends right above the knees that really compliments the curves of her body with some black heels that make her legs look amazing, this girl really knows how to work black. Christen notices her right away and makes a B line to Tobin. 

“Hi, you look incredible” Christen looks her up and down. 

“You look beautiful” Tobin is dumbfounded. Without breaking eye contact Christen takes a hold of her beer and takes a big gulp from it. Tobin thinks its one of the hottest things shes ever seen. “Come with me let's go find our friends.” the dark haired hair lances their hands together as they make their way to the back of the house. 

Once at the backyard Tobin is reunited with her friends Christen lets go of her hand to go say hi to a few people so she decides to do the same. The backyard has a bond fire with people lounging on some lawn chairs. Kelley is very comfortable laying down with Emily on a blanket as she walks by she gives her a high five. She waves at Alex, who laughing with Julie. Tobin decides to sit down on a chair next to sophomore named Allie who she got acquainted with in her psychology class “What's up Harry?” how the nickname came to be is beyond them but it stuck. “Oh not much Harry just enjoying the night sky. You gonna tell me about that pretty girl that was holding your hand?” Tobin blushes “I don't think there is anything to tell. We’re friends.” Allie laughs while putting a hand on her shoulder. “Harry level with me, how many friends do you hold hands with?” Tobin begins to tap her foot anxiously, sighing in defeat “none” Allie squeezes her shoulder “exactly, oh looks who is coming the pretty girl herself”

Christen approaches them and Tobin is beginning to feel awkward she's never been in a relationship but she thinks she wants to try with her. “Hey” the beautiful girl says. Tobin becomes conscious of the fact that Christen is just standing there. “Um do you want to sit down I can move if you want” Tobin is shocked when Christen is suddenly on her lap while all she can do is have a death grip on the arms of the lawn chair but she can’t deny that she likes the way it feels. “No, Im fine right here.” the curly haired girl says and she puts her arm around Tobins shoulder.” Tobin sees Kelley on the floor her friend gives her two thumbs up. Then she looks at Alex and she thinks someone must of pissed her off because her face is very stoic. 

Tobin hears Christen clear her throat and shes brought back “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” 

“Oh sorry, Christen Press this is Allie Long or as I like to call her Harry.” Christen shakes her hand and asks “Harry?” Allie chuckles “You know we don't even know.” All three of them laugh. 

  
  


As the party continues more drinks are poured which gives Tobin liquid courage to get on the dance floor with her friends. At one point Christen is grinding up on her like she means it that makes her feel like she's been lit on fire. She doesn't know if its the liquor talking but she can't help but let her hands wonder from her waist to her thighs and Christen doesnt seem to mind. Later that night Kelley challenges her to karaoke battle that somehow she manages to win with her shitty voice but she kills it singing Summertime Sadness. It probably didn't help O’Hara that she was wasted and couldn't remember all the words to Fergalicious. 

As the party winds down it's time to take a very very drunk Kelley home. Kelley has one arm on Sonnett’s shoulder when Tobin’s about to take the other arm but her friend stops her “No,No, No Tobin you walk your girl home Alex can help me.” Tobins eyes go wide with embarrassment she thinks if that alcohol doesn't kill her she might. Alex takes a hold of Kelley. “I guess ill see you at the suite yeah?” Alex says not really meeting her eyes. “Yeah I'll see ya later."

XXX

As she is walking Christen home because it would have been weird if she didnt after Kelley blurted it out. Idiot. They fall into silence but then Tobin remembers what Lindsey had said about the game and she cant help but feel hurt. She stops walking and Christen notices “what's wrong?” Tobin closes her eyes and releases a breath she had been holding before looking at curly haired girl. “You told Lindsey that I was playing the game. When I never said I would actually do it. You are acting like Alex, at least I expect that from her. Why would you do that? After everything I told you. Why can't you both see I am broken! Tobin yells. “I used………….I used to be good but not anymore. I couldn't go and play and give a performance that I would be proud of. Sorry.” She says in the most defeated tone Christen has ever heard and it breaks her. 

What does Tobin need to say to make her give up on her. 

“There's a difference you know, it's not that you can't play it's that you won't. You say the ball won't go where you want it to and that your feet don't work but I just hear an excuse for you not to even try.” Christen pleads

Tobin can't think of anyone that has ever talked to her like that. She looks at the ground, she feels tears begin to form in her eyes “When I play I feel….. horrible” she bites her lip as an attempt to keep her emotions in check. 

When she plays she feels like she's at the bottom of the ocean all alone no light no sound. Tobin closes her eyes and tears begin to fall. The memory of her on the soccer field calling her dead mother for help comes in a flash. Now Christen wants her to go back down to the bottom of the ocean. 

“Please look at me” 

Tobin reluctantly looks at her

"You’ll have me this time, I know you can't play Tobin and that you are broken but I want you anyway” Christen hopes that her words touch her. “Maybe we lose but that doesn't even matter. Tobin what's important is that we play with our hearts.”

Tobin is paralyzed she hasn't heard that phrase in a while. The last time those words were uttered they came from the woman she loved the most in this world. 

Christen continues “Because if there’s a chance to play I am taking it and if there’s a crowd I hope it reaches them but most importantly I hope it reaches you, and the people that see me play will never forget me. Those moments are why I think I’m alive. I was put on this earth to play soccer and so were you.”

Tobin stares in awe unable to fully comprehend 

  
  


The curly haired girl begins to cry “Please do it for me. Please say that you will play with me. Please believe in me even a tiny bit. You don't know how close I am right now to just losing my heart” Christen begins to sob even harder. 

Tobin thinks Kelley is spot on, impossible or not that's up to the girl to decide

She gasps but keeps perfectly still 

But then

“Okay i'll do it, I'll play on your team. But I can't promise that ill be any good."

Christen wipes her tears away and brings her in for a hug and Tobin envelops her in a tight embrace. " Tobin I know I haven't known you that long, but you are one of my best friends." Tobin sighs it feels so nice to hear those words. "You're one of my best friends too" Christen clings on to her "Do you think you could ever want more? We don't have to label it not yet" Christen voice cracks and she can feel her trembling. Tobin holds on a little bit tighter before she pulls back but not enough for their hold on each other to break. She closes her eyes and lays her forehead on hers. The curly haired girl has made her decision she asked Tobin to believe in her. When she opens her eyes she sees a Christen who is willing to lay it on the line for her, for someone as broken as her. Tobin grabs her face and kisses her forehead and rubs her thumbs on her cheeks for a moment. "Yes" it comes as a whisper wanting this moment to belong to them. Forever. Christen smiles from ear to ear it's the only confirmation she needs.Tobin releases her and takes Christen’s hand in hers and they continue the walk.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make it a GIP fic or nah? 
> 
> let me know your thoughts. Thanks :)


	4. So It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know if this will be a GIP fic or not. The comments are divided pretty evenly. I probably won't know until T and C finally get at the point in the fic so I will let you guys know a chapter before. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Song: Here I am - Bryan Adams

**Here I am this is me **

**There's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be **

**Here I am it's just me and you **

**Tonight we make our dreams come true **

**It's a new world it's a new start **

**It's alive with the beating of young hearts **

**It's a new day, it's a new plan **

**I've been waiting for you **

**Here I am**

XXX

_ Age 4 _

_ “Mommy mommy did you see?? I scored!!” an excited little Tobin runs with open arms to her mother. “ I sure did, beautiful” Cindy smiles so wide as her daughter comes crashing into her arms. Now, let's practice a new way to do a penalty kick! Tobin scrunches up her nose not understanding. “But I kicked it mom” her mother picks her up kissing her head “well my little Tobin the goal won’t always be empty.” Cindy puts Tobin down as she goes to pick up the ball. “Okay my little one, pay attention to mommy. As you set the ball down for a penalty make sure to kiss it for good luck. Then take a couple steps back and as you kick the ball you lean towards one side but you actually kick the other way. And that's called faking the keeper.” Tobin stares in awe, her mother is amazing and knows everything about soccer. “But why fake?” Cindy looks at Tobin with the serious look but breaks into a smile “Because Tobin Powell Heath is a trickster!” She takes off running after her kid. “Mommy mommy you can’t catch me cuz I trick!” Cindy finally catches a young Tobin and begins to tickle her silly.  _

_   
_ XXX

The day has finally arrived and to say Tobin is nervous is an understatement. She only puked twice before heading out the door. Kelley and Alex are also playing in this pick up game and it calms her a little but not enough. “Tobs my dude, relax. We will be with you every step of the way.” Tobin looks up to where her friends are walking ahead of her and sees Kelley give her the you got this look. Alex smiles so wide just happy Tobin decided to come. Both her friends are excited to kick some ass while Tobin is just hoping she doesn't get her ass kicked by everyone. Christen notices her distressed since as usual she has her hands in her pockets. Christen reaches to take one of her hands and lances their fingers together. The raven haired girl is attempting to calm her down by rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb. 

“I’ll be back okay,I gotta go talk to the other team captain” Christen gives her a reassuring smile and squeezes her hand before taking off. As they reach the park everyone is lounging around getting their cleats and socks on or some of them need to tape up and stretching can't forget that. This helps Tobin tremendously it help ease her into what she's about to do. She hasn’t touched the soccer ball in two years she wonders what it's going to feel like. She sees Alex and Kelley sit by other players from both the women and men’s soccer teams then she notices some other non athletes like her. “Thank god, not everyone is going to play like a crazy person” she whispers thinking of a certain black haired girl who is amazing with the ball, it helps lighten her load knowing more non athletes are here. Tobin decides to sit away from her friends not wanting to ruin their pre game routine with her freak out. She is mentally scoulding herself she should of attempted to kick the ball around at least once before coming here maybe practiced corner kicks literally something, anything. 

She is almost done getting her cleats on that Kelley let her borrow hoping that the faster she gets ready, the faster this game will be over, and the faster she can go home. Bascially she needs this to go really fucking fast. “So whats the plan? Start of slow or hit the gas right off the bat!?” Christen is rather cheerful as she approaches Tobin. She wonders why she gave in to playing, her playing this game is a disaster waiting to happen. “So what do you think of my new cleats? First time wearing them I decided to break them in this game.” Christen is showing off her new cleats to Tobin. She isn’t paying any attention to her. Tobin is inside her head having an internal battle of wanting to back out of the game, it would be the right thing to do. Besides, the last thing she wants to do is make a fool of herself or Christen for that matter. 

Christen realizes what's happening so she kneels in front of Tobin grabbing her by the shoulders and placing her forehead on hers. “Toby, please snap out of it and look at me, only at me” Tobin has no choice but to obey. “Just shut up” the raven haired girl pokes at her head for a second. “Look at me, not at the field or the people. Don't you dare look at the ground. You are always looking down. You are stuck in that head of yours like its quick sand.” Tobin’s eyes widen, how the hell does she know she contemplates. “Don’t worry, I know you can do it. Once you are on that field it will be muscle memory. When you get on that field it will be like second nature. This is our home so whatever happens out there we will fine because we’re together.” Christen says in the most encouraging tone. Tobin can feel those words she wants to believe them to believe her. 

“Alright guys lets get this game fucking rollin’!” one of the kids yells and everyone starts running to their places. 

“You will be a right-winger your most natural position. I will be the striker and together we will be unstoppable. Let’s go!” Christen takes her hand it has become a habit that she welcomes. Tobin lets the player drag her while looking at her, she stuck in her head again thinking Christen is a force of nature not meant to messed with but then the following moment she could be sweet as candy. Every second Tobin spends with her is like a roller coaster. Christen is the journey with no destination planned. 

“Its like your freedom itself” Tobin utters the words without realizing she said them outloud.

Christen looks back at her “No Im not, freedom is what we find out there.” Tobin is left in shock good thing she is in her starting spot. 

This field belongs to them and it's waiting for them to fill it with something. 

Tobin looks around eyes in panic then she sees Alex giving her a smile, she turns around and Kelley gives her a knowing nod, then she feels a pat on the back. “I'm really glad you made it,” Lindsay says. 

Finally she looks at Christen “It wouldn't kill you to smile” all Tobin can do is stare. 

*whistle blows*

She starts running forward halfway to the up the field when she turns around noticing a play happening. Tobin receives the pass a defender is quickly approaching she looks to pass it but no one is open ahead so she’s forced to pass it back to Lindsay. 

So far so good she thinks at least the ball went in the direction she intended it to.

Try to stay calm Tobin

Try to stay calm! 

She continues to follow the ball with her eyes she prays that if she keeps doing that and makes easy passes that the game will be over before she knows it. Suddenly, Christen gets the ball and she takes it down the field at an insane speed Tobin has to sprint to keep up with her she passes her the ball but Tobin passes it right back Christen shoots the ball but it hits the post. A defender has control of the ball Tobin sees her chance as the defender is being careless she goes and steals the ball from him and she goes to shoot but then she sees her. Her mother standing by the goal on the right side giving her a blank stare. No emotion, nothing. Tobin freezes and the defender takes the ball right back. She is paralyzed for an instant barely breathing. She rubs her eyes and her mother is gone. Tobin attempts to jog back down the field but she is starting to lose control of her legs, it feels like she is drowning. Someone passes her the ball and she tries to pass it to Alex but her pass connects with a person of the opposite team. 

She is starting to sweat profusely, starting to hyperventilate feeling at the bottom of this sunless sea, its cold there is no one else just her alone in the dark. She feels like she’s sinking even deeper. Tobin makes eye contact with Kelley and she passes her the ball she tries to pass it again but it fails. She is getting frustrated ‘Damn it, Damn it! I am hitting the ball as hard as I can in an attempt to control it. Why are my feet the only thing I can't control?!’ Tobin is internally screaming. She walks with her head down in shame as she makes her way off the field. Everyone notices, Christen tells them to be quiet about it and keep playing that Tobin needs a little bit of room to breathe.

As soon as Tobin steps off the field she leans forward placing her hands on her knees closing her eyes. She is so sorry, she knows that if kept playing like a rookie it would make things worse. She opens her eyes she sees a pair of cleats. 

“Don’t worry baby, I know you can do it” Christen says it in the most soothing voice as she rubs her back. Tobin is stuck on the word ‘baby’ for a moment, her mind begins to wonder again to the most beautiful memories with Christen.

_ You have to keep playing _

_ And I want you anyway _

_ People that see me play will never forget me _

_ I was put on this earth to play soccer _

Tobin finally decides to look up and is met with the most gorgeous eyes that no matter how much she stares into them it never gets old. In fact, she thinks the more she stares the more beautiful they get.

“Again? Trust in me, C’mon our adventure awaits!” She starts running to the field and waves to Tobin to follow her. 

Tobin looks down at the grass again. She is still looking for any excuse, but this time is for a reason to say yes. There was such confidence in Christen eyes that she could never match it. Tobin doesn’t know what she sees in her. 

_ Just shut up _

_ Look at me, not at the field or the people. Don't you dare look at the ground. _

Tobins head snaps up so fast and she right away finds Christen running after the ball. ‘Brace yourself Tobin’ she yells inside her head. She starts running on the right side. 

Focus

Focus

She knows that its muscle memory, its second nature, she needs to bring it out and put it on to that field. She starts to feel like she is drowning again but -

Focus

Focus

Focus

_ “Little one why are you hitting the ball so hard? You don't have to hit it that hard honey, just enough. If you hit the ball too hard it makes it mad and it wont go where you want it to. But if you hit it just right it will obey you, now try it again” _

If she can't feel the ball then she will imagine it. She will play with her whole body. She will take everything her mother left her and draw it out. 

A player passes Tobin the ball and she quickly connects with Morgan knowing exactly where she is going to be, but a defender steals it passing it way down field. Tobin knows she doesn't need to worry because Kelley is right there ready to defend. O’Hara passes it to Julie who quickly passes it to Christen. It's just her and Christen and one defender down the second half of the field everyone else was left behind. The raven haired girl passes it to her she takes it further down the field but the defender is coming she looks over and sees Christen following her pace. As she runs Tobin thinks, no she knows that Christen moves her forward like a heartbeat, the raven haired girl is with her. 

Christen looks at Tobin and Tobin looks at Christen. Alex sees this interaction and she feels her heart hurting but she doesn't understand why. 

Tobin passes it to Christen but then the defender goes toward the raven haired so so she passes it right back to Tobin. They are playing a game of monkey in the middle with this guy. The guy comes back to her she stutters and fakes a shot but passes it to Christen who goes to shoot and scores! Christen runs to her and jumps on her. Tobin holds on to her tightly. 

The cool dry air, the smell of grass, her journey has begun.

XXX 

After the game Tobin finds herself laying on Christens bed with the beautiful girl’s head laying on her chest. They decided to watch the movie Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron after Tobin had told Christen that she had never seen it. Christen gave her a lot of grief saying things like how dare she. It has one of the best soundtracks and scores of all time. Tobin just couldn’t believe she was one of those horse girls. 

She is perfectly content watching this movie with this wonderful girl in her arms. From time to time Tobin gives Christen a peck on the cheek and Christen does the same to her. Tobin hasn't felt this peaceful in a long time, her mind is clear and her body is resting. The green eyed girl starts tracing patterns on Tobins stomach then she feels her lips on her jaw trailing sweet kisses. She closes her eyes enjoying the feeling of Christen lips on her skin. Christen moves the laptop from Tobin’s lap and straddles her, movie completely forgotten she begins trailing kisses on her other side of jaw. Tobin tries to anchor herself by holding onto Christens waist a little tighter eyes still closed. She sighs at the amazing feeling but out of nowhere it stops. Tobin’s eyes fly open. “Did I do something wrong?” Christen laughs “of course not baby. Besides I was the only peppering you with lo- kisses.” She stares into her loving eyes “You called me baby at the game too” Tobin says smiling wider than she has in a long time. “Is that okay?” Christen asks nervously. “Absolutely, I like it, I promise.” 

The dark haired girl goes and lays her head once again on Tobin’ chest, she basically has her whole body on her. Christen breathes in Tobin’s unique scent “I’m just” she pauses “Our season is starting with two away games and I’m just sad I wont see you as much as I want to. Classes, practice, and the games will take me away from you, and I don’t like it.” Tobin holds on to her tighter kissing her head. “We will be okay baby” making sure to put emphasis on the word baby. “Don't be sad beautiful. Besides, whats texting and calling for!” Tobin rolls them over and begins peppering Christen with kisses all over her face except her lips. She isn’t ready for that yet. Christen is laughing happy that Tobin cares about her feelings enough to give her a chance. 

“Wait is that my hoodie you have on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! Thank you for reading :)


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